Journal 2011/2012
A long time ago I watched a movie there was a quote that always stood out to me and inspired me to write this BLOG .
“In order to write well we must write what we know ….”- Drew Barrymore NEVER BEEN KISSED
So this is what I know . I know what it is like being someone who has battled with my own weight for many years .. actually correction for all my life . On one dark stormy night I was born a 6 pound baby and as my mom puts it began to fluff out lol . For as long as I can remember nicknames followed me everywhere I went for “Fei Fei” ( translated to chubb chubb ) to worse names as I got into school . But back then as a chubby child it was cute until I hit school then I realized that it was not so cute after all. I was isolated when I was younger by other kids I even remember locking myself in the washroom at school because I did not want to do gym class. It was harder as I went from elementary to junior high it just got worse . Now that I look back at it I wish I would have piped up and tole people that just because I was chubby did not mean I was any less then them .
But nope ..I mean I was also extremely envious of girls like in my class and even my own cousins because they were both thin. I mean in reality beautiful girls who are thin get alot more then the curvy ones do. so life back then sucked really bad :(
Even in High school it was bad. Except I began to know who I was when I moved to NELSON BC in 1996 and began to see people differently . People there did not judge me it was great they pushed me to be tougher and I have my dear friend and sister Jo to thank for that . She was tiny but taller then me and had all the men and the fiery to match. She was like my idol someone who I wanted to be like . But unfortunately I never had the right tools to know how to lose weight .
But I do thank everyone in Nelson BC for there love support humor and back up when I needed it . See in BC the girls were not only beautiful on the outside but they had an amazing heart to go with it and without them I would not be who I am today . Other then Joelene , there was Kristen one of the most beautiful girls that waitressed for my aunt i swear everytime she went up to the window i was worried about car accidents lol she was awesome her and Brooke another pretty girl there helped me see who I was and they were like my cheer leaders thank you ladies :) The guys there are great too they are kind and good looking the better looking the guy the bigger the heart hmm lol.
Fast forwarding to now when I finally moved back from BC in 2006 I decided I needed a change well it was actually decided for me by my lovely mother / coach . With her diet of oatmeal ,salads and oatmeal I lost 50 pounds in 6 months . As well as insane amounts of exercise . I had not looked that good in my life I was happy well kind of minus the pressure to lose the weight . Every time I got to my friend Glorias I would cheat and eat bread and chips lol hahh oops . Later With the help of a long time friend MIsty i met the first person I ever loved. Misty introduced me to Casey who was this amazing guy who was sweet , caring and laughed at everything I said lol . With that his house which included 4 cats ( smokey,kat,neko and pandora ) Michelle and Ryan became my other house of cheating . hee hee . what can I say I was happy .
It was wicked to be with a person I fell in love with at the ripe old age of 26 at the time I was happy so was he .we lasted for two and a half years and got engaged. Ryan also was the best friend and bro I can ever have he helped me with everything :)
……..But that all shattered when he broke up with me September 5 2010
I remember looking in the mirror and saying wow it is true you can gain weight and they can stop loving you . I sat there and began my own self destructive pattern of sorrow but I kept telling everyone I was ok . After the break up I had lost 10 pounds in 4 months .
Like an anvil it hit me I had the most awesome new group of friends ( my Francos family thank you Chuck , Keri,Trent,Carlene, Lorena ,Mel , Mikaela , Ben ,Tanner, Steveo, Pratt,Shawna,Stacey , )anyone can ask for and I was relaxed for once wow .. So in January 2011 I looked in the mirror again and vowed I will look drop dead sexy even if i die trying lol
So in the middle on January 2011 after I had actually seen Casey, Keith and Bryan . I began my detox cleanse thingy lol . I lost 30 lbs in 3 weeks by eating salads and steamed veggies. I went from a size 20 to a size 10 again
…….to be continued …..
Then In February 2011 I had started a new workout I began to do my usual TURBO JAM 45 minute make-shorty-look-like-hyper-insane-hamster-on-coffee..I was so pooped after the first work out and then determined I began searching to see if my wonderful video mentor Charlene Johnson had mad another video and she did… eekkk ….( ya never get that excited for the new workout until you have previewed it stupid shorty lol)
So I went on my crazy download spree and got TURBO FIRE … hahah like the name shit…. it was shorty on fourty thousand cans of red bull . lol haha i looked so funny doing it but man was it fun hee hee…
SO I had found my new drug of choice or addiction it was called TURBO FIRE i love it so much .
But ya my body hated me and still does :) but as soon as i started this work out I needed to start eating my grains again or my body wold have no energy to keep up with the intense training .
For the first month or so I did this work out I did the TURBO easy 55 and the TURBO easy 60 classes they were long and great butt kickers.
Then after about a month I went on to doing the regular 30 45 55 min classes mixed with every thursday doing the HIIT ( high intensity interval training classes ) 15 20 25 min classes . But every morning it was a 20 min HIIT work out to wake my brain up this I kept doing for another month or so . WIth in two months I had lost another 20 to 30 pounds . but most of it is me toning as well so I am kinda at an even break . I have AB lines now which makes me smile .
So fast forwarding to now it had been 6 months and I have no gained any of it back which makes wanna scream lol but I do cheat now . just I am ok with it and I dont hide it if I want candy i have candy that way my body wont keep nagging me lol haha
to be continued…….
Journal 2010
It seems that I have found one of my earlier well sort of earlier things about me losing weight … hmmm…
Feb 11 2010 »
Another go at it . ( the first time try was 2007 January ) anyways… so another go at it some may say but to me this is the final go at it .
Like most people whom may have tried the whole weight loss thing whether it is working out 24/7 or diets many have tried but few have succeeded . I am one of those many whom have tried everything from Apple Cider pills , to the whole weird work out where you look like a bull frog with lion hair lol , oatmeal only diets , to the Hong Kong prescribed 72 day diet and all have failed with me . I guess many whom know me classify me as a need to do my own thing type of girl . There were many wake up calls from 2007 to 2009 . My car accident was a big one . I got into a rear ending accident with my Boyfriend at the time and movement working out was not an option add a little bit of laziness and you go a recipe for disaster .
Yet at the time when anyone tried to talk to me about my weight I would usually brush it off . With friends and co workers saying that I am fine and I was not fat or over weight it seemed to have kinda give me a reason to be and stay the way I was. I have always had a warped theory on why I was chubby . The theory was some people are lucky to be born skinny and stay that way for there lives. Then there are the some of us whom are born chubby and kinda stay that way , then there are the few that are chubby born and lose that baby fat easily once puberty hit :). Of course media and society did not help my situation at all . Society and media often show women with very few curves , once again depending on what ethnicity they were that changed a lot of how a women or young girls were going to be shown as attractive . So watching as many of the girls in my life whom are of Chinese or Oriental ethnicity prance around being tall or small but thin . It made my sense of insecurity pretty high . I mean I was 4 foot 8 for the longest time lol chubby weighing in 2007 at 165 LBS and having the worst smile ever.
So for many years when I was a child even a teen I was picked on . Most of it was probably because of my insecurities I did not know how to act and the other being the way I looked . It took a lot out of me until I was given the opportunity of a life time when I was sent off to live with my aunt , uncle and two cousins in Nelson BC . At that time of course I did not think it was the best thing int he world until I met my new Best Friend for life Joelene . She changed me and gave me guts to be who I am and was . Many of the girls there in Nelson BC are very beautiful and kidn it took me by surprise . I was a changed person even though in Edmonton AB I was always accepting of people whom were different but now I am the person who will pipe up about unfair treatment of others .
Anyways when I moved home in 2007 my mom helped me lose weight by 2008 when I met my boyfriend I weighed in at 115 LBS I was light and hot lol . yeah fast forward to now 2010 I am topping scales after much denial at 200 LBS What the …. yes I know . but I have faith I will lose it .. :(
